The day my life was turned on its ear

Most of the world knows of the shooting at UCSB. The kid who couldn't get laid went on a shooting spree... Its sad, especially when you live where I do...

I live on a small street in Isla Vista, CA..... on the corner where the shootings started May 23rd, 2014. 

Now I wasn't home that night thank God and Walt Disney(I was at Disneyland meeting a few of my favorite YouTubers).

But when people try to tell me that the entire thing was a hoax and they live in IRELAND of all places, I kinda have to say you need your head checked. 

This person and I were having a back and forth tonight on her "intuition" and "common sense" about the shooting being a propaganda, fake thing and that the shooter is still alive. The last message they sent me was this:

+Amanda Tate Clearly I do not believe that story. its shocking and hard to take in but you know, i replied to your comment, told you how I found out and got my beliefs now and had to swallow my pride and say hey this was never real and im a loser for believing it was for the short time I did. you live you learn. you can choose to examine and see both sides if you wish, I would, despite the awesome story, which now to me even looks like an obvious joke. I dont think youll do that Amanda, infact by you reply I can tell you wont. and thats fine with me. I dont care if you automatically disagree with me. thats fine and you can think and do what you pleace. Have a good day :)

Bitch please! I saw the aftermath!! You can't fake that hurt, the pain that my community, the victims families have had to endure. I seriously believe I had a small case of PTSD because of everything that happened afterwards. I couldn't handle seeing that many people hurt at the same time. It took a toll on me.

I just wish people in other countries would realize that they aren't here so they don't have to go through this madness.

Getting older... maybe a little wiser?

So if you know me, my birthday is in a few days and that means that I am going to be spoiled beyond belief! 

I used to be like "yeah that's right its my birthday, bow down, bitches." 


But lately I am just like I am excited that my birthday is coming and that I am alive to enjoy being 27 years old. That's right, I'm an old woman. hahaha! Alright so I am not that old but I am older than I was yesterday and the day before. 


I remember being 12 years old and being such a depressed child. I was afraid that I was going to be alone and die alone because I didn't have a boyfriend like my "friends" and I had kissed a boy like my so called friends had. I honestly was planning on being the girl who lived alone with a million cats. They would be my children and I their mother! But as time progressed I didn't even want to be the Mother of Cats. I was very alone since I moved right as 7th grade was beginning. 


I ate alone for the first few days at my new school while girls paraded their boy toys around like sick puppies. I learned through my Jr High and High School career that I am worth someones time and devotion. 

Even though I wasn't really acting like it. I wanted it, I just didn't know how to get it. And I was getting frustrated that I wasn't finding what I wanted. 

Right after my 22nd birthday, love found me and its been a great 4 years so far and I can't wait to see what is in store for us.

The past birthdays I am just grateful that I get to spend time with family and my boyfriend who love me and want me around. 


And I want to be around to see my FIFTIETH with my (hopefully) husband and a few kids.


But right now I am content with being alive, being with my loving and caring boyfriend and having family and a few friends who love me. 


I am truly a very lucky girl!